A Little Autumn Catch-Up

Recently, I read a quote by Georgia O’Keeffe that said, “I have done nothing all summer but wait for myself to be myself again,” and that is exactly how I felt for the past several months. I haven’t updated this blog with anything too personal in a long time—mostly because I’ve really just enjoyed sharing my little notebook things and keeping my feelings to myself (for once). But also—I just haven’t felt like me in a while. Summer is my least favorite season and tends to do that for me. And while I’ve updated my Ko-fi page with exclusive personal posts and my newsletter with the odd anecdote, I’m going to try to catch you up here today.

First, I re-signed my apartment lease.

I’ve officially been in my apartment for 5 years now, and boy, how time flies. I can’t quite believe it’s been that long. Each year when I re-sign in October, I always get a little sentimental thinking about why I moved in the first place (my decade-long relationship ended), and then I get emotional about all the things I’ve been through since. Lots of people tell me I’m too sensitive, but looking back, I’ve been incredibly strong, too. Much stronger than the people who have hurt me. My place has seen a lot and been through a lot with me, and I’ve taken care of myself the entire time. I always thought this apartment would be the place I would heal in, the place where I could finally, safely be myself. I have been very protective of my space in the past two years particularly while I went through therapy and worked on myself. Now I’m excited for another year here. It just feels right.

Speaking of therapy, I stepped away.

After two years to the day, I decided it was time to step away from therapy. My therapist—who was wonderful, and I miss immensely—was taking a new role, so I had to decide either to find a new therapist or step away. I chose the latter, for several reasons: 1) It is immensely exhausting to open up to one person to the depths I did, let alone another. 2) I worked through a lot already in the past couple of years and was starting to go to sessions with less and less to talk about. Our sessions became more like stress and emotional management check-ins, which are so helpful but after 2 years, it’s 3) expensive. In a way, I felt like I “graduated”—like she helped me work through a lot of trauma, build confidence and self-trust, and gave me many tools I could use myself. Now it was time for me to go out into the world and try them on my own.

Although it was an incredibly challenging and humbling process (especially in the beginning), I would love to return to it someday. It was something I always wanted to try, and I am so grateful that I was finally in a position where I could afford it. I am also proud of myself for sticking with it every week for two years, even though it wasn’t easy. The transition period has been a bit rough, I’ll admit (I mean, I talked to this person every week for two years, about things I’ve never told anyone, and then suddenly no more communication), but I intend to share a post of the greatest things I learned in therapy soon. I hope you will look forward to that.

I’ve been focused on work—a lot.

If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll know I’m at the office regularly (if just from my outfit pics alone). We are still hybrid, so I only go in 3 days a week, but when I’m there, I’m there. I am the Copy Manager for two very different apparel brands and for the past couple of months, we have been prepping for the holiday season, and it’s been a lot. October through December is such a busy time for Marketing and Ecom in general, and I’ve had to work on two different strategies for two brands in the same amount of time. It’s been hard having time for anything outside that, to be honest, but I’ve tried to share some of what I’ve been up to on my Instagram Stories and Ko-fi.

Which means I am still querying my book.

While it has taken a bit of a backseat due to work, I’m still querying my poetry collection. So far, I’ve had a couple of full manuscript requests from editors, but silence after. I keep trying! A successful writer friend of mine mentioned that they started with self-publishing, and told me not to cast it aside. So it is also something I am researching and considering. I am just trying to balance everything else going on in my life at the same time, and it’s been tough, dealing with everything on my own. If you’ll keep your fingers crossed for me, I’d appreciate it!

And I’m no longer on the site formerly known as Twitter.

It’s a hell site. It’s always been a hell site. But once upon a time, I loved it. And then Elon happened. And now I hate it. You can follow me on Threads and Instagram now (sometimes I am on Tumblr, which is where I keep a gaming diary when I have time, if that’s your thing).

Speaking of fun…

I’ve been spending some time taking myself on dates, playing comforting video games like Animal Crossing and Pokémon, and reading a lot. I’ve also been trying to meet and spend time with new people and make new connections (as per my therapist’s suggestion) to practice moving on from old people, patterns, and beliefs. It’s been helpful, but putting myself out there even for platonic connections has had its ups and downs. I think the summertime in general had some influence there. Maybe the colder months will be better.

That’s it for now! Miss you all. Now that I’m settling into my favorite season and starting to feel a little more like myself (it’s funny what a sweater or blazer does to my mood), I hope to share more with you soon.