I Finished My Book! What I Learned & What’s Next

Well, I’ve finally done it, friends: I finished my book! Not only that, but my 30-page book proposal (including samples) is also complete and ready to be sent out for queries soon. I honestly can’t believe I am at this stage, at last, after 11 months of working on it, and after years of dreaming about it.

For those who haven’t been following along on my Twitter and Ko-fi, my book is a collection of 101 pieces of prose, poetry, and stories pulled from and inspired by my private journal entries. I’ve been journaling for almost 20 years now, and have amassed just as many journals. I reread them all over the span of 6 months and carefully selected my very favorite pieces, and even some new ones.

Ultimately, my book takes you through my journey of love and loss, of all kinds: romantic, familial, and platonic. Then I share how I eventually, always, naturally come back to myself again.

To be perfectly honest, this process unraveled me. I had to relive experiences, both blissful and traumatic. And through it all, I’ve noticed that I’ve grown so much. I’m not even the same person I was a year ago, let alone 15 years ago. It wasn’t easy (in fact, there was a lot of crying!), but I feel so proud of myself for all the growth and progress I’ve made in my life over the years. Sometimes you don’t really realize it until you sit down and take the time to notice.

What I Learned

One of the greatest lessons I learned about myself during this process, and from rereading my journals, was that I always lost myself in other people. I have always put the needs of my loved ones before mine. And sometimes, especially in my romantic relationships, my thoughts about them and us would consume me—which, perhaps thankfully, I then turned into poetry.

This is, of course, no fault of the men I’ve been with, but entirely mine. It’s just the kind of person I was. That’s why, after everything I have been through in the last couple of years, I’m glad I took this year to just focus on myself and my book. I so rarely put those things first in the past, and this year was the perfect time to do so.

Wanting to “do it all” is a topic I often discuss in therapy. I’ve always struggled with feeling like I don’t have enough time to do everything I want, or like I quickly reach my emotional capacity with one thing, thus leaving no room for another. During this process in particular, I was worried I was “too soft,” that I couldn’t “handle” all of it, that something was wrong with me.

But my therapist assured me of this: that I am doing my absolute best, which is true, and that I am not “too soft,” but brave—about everything.

It was brave of me to want to publish my personal life stories for strangers to read. It was brave of me to take a break from dating to prioritize myself and reestablish self-trust. It was brave of me to give a dream I’ve had since I was a child extra attention, when so many people often give up on theirs.

Now, I will always remember this year as the year I decided my dreams deserved to be front and center, and that I, alone, am great company. And it was all thanks to this book, this journey.

Even if I never get it published, at least I learned that.

So, What’s Next?

Now I will begin the querying process, which I anticipate taking months. Meanwhile, I would love to update this blog more regularly again. Maybe not as frequently as I have in the past, but I already have several blog post ideas I want to write and share very soon.

Of course, I will do my best to keep you all updated here and on social media, and especially on my Ko-fi, where I share exclusive updates with my supporters before everyone else. If you are interested in reading more about my progress, feel free to support me over there.

And since you made it this far (thank you for reading!!), I thought I’d also share 10 of my favorite prose titles from my collection:

I Think We’re Alone Now
He Hasn’t Met You
The Presence of Greatness
Every Night For A While
The First Person to Fly
Bits & Pieces
When You Know It’s Time To Go
Strangers Again
Strawberry Stains
Mercury in Pisces

There are 91 more where that came from. Hopefully, someday, I will be able to share them all with you.