It has been months since I’ve updated this site, which has bothered me more than you can imagine. For years, I’ve loved blogging and having my little corner on the Internet to be creative, share my work and life, and express myself. But 2018 beat me down in such a way that I had no motivation to post here. I didn’t want to create new content or even write any new essays at all. It was an extremely rough, challenging year for me and I found myself shutting down a lot and closing myself off to many people.

After getting hired at my new job in March, I thought I’d pull myself out of the funk I was in and have new, exciting things to write about. However, getting out of that dark place was harder than I thought. Although I enjoyed my job tremendously, other parts of my life started to fall apart. I was very unhappy with my relationships and grew apart from many people. My passions and my needs took a back seat for far too long and the weight was catching up with me. By the end of the summer, my longterm relationship of over a decade was crumbling to an end. And there weren’t many people I could talk to left.

This fall, in particular, was very difficult for me. I said goodbye to many things and moved into my own apartment. After living in my new space for two months now, I’m finally settled and slowly feeling more and more like my old self. However, now I’m focused on trying to be a better version of me.

I’d be lying if I said 2018 was only filled with heartache. From having surgery at the beginning of the year to my breakup at the end, there were some shining moments in-between. I made new friends, was introduced to so many new things, and spent more time with my family–particularly my brother (who took the above photo of me while we were hanging out one day). Looking back, I’m grateful for all the experiences I had and all the things I learned. Even though I learned them the hard way, now I’m a much wiser, stronger, and kinder person.

In 2019, I hope to share more about my life on this blog once again. I want to be more creative and open with my writing and prose. Writing was my first love and will always be important to me. Now it’s time for me to give it the attention it deserves.

On November 19, at 4:30 in the morning, I woke up from an awful dream and tweeted, “If all these tears are watering my roots, I’m gonna grow so damn tall.” In life, I’ve always believed everything happens for a reason. And we all grow from life, but only if you learn from it. Like a tree, you only grow if you get the right nourishment. You can only grow if you keep stretching for the sun.

Here’s to more growth in 2019.

Author

Megan Portorreal is an E-Commerce Copywriter at Barneys New York. In her spare time, she enjoys reading books, writing about her life, and playing video games.

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